Today, Sweetpea has a very exciting field trip with her preschool class to a nature center.
When I was dropping her off, one of the other moms asked if I was going on the trip. I told her that actually, parents had been asked to sit this one out because of some research thingy that was happening (Sweetpea’s school is part of a child & family research center).
She said “Whew! I was having so much mom guilt about not going. I can cross that one off now.”
This is a mom with two adorable, sweet, well-mannered, and smart children that I have to resist squeezing every time I see them. She’s the head of her department and a leader in her field. Today, she looked amazeballs in her edgy-yet-profesh ensemble. She’s kind, funny and patient. Yet, she felt like a shitty mom.
It’s about damn time we embraced this would-be shittiness.
I’m not talking about neglecting your children - you’re an awesome mom and we all know you would never do that. I’m talking about telling that Perfect McPerfectface asshole who sits on your shoulder and criticizes you all day to shut the f**k up.
Oh, you know her.
“Seriously - you’re going to let them watch that much TV? Now they’ll never get into Harvard.”
“Pizza again? Surely you have the ingredients to whip together a gluten-free, sugar-free, paleo and organic hot meal.”
“Not going on the field trip, huh? I guess you just don’t care about the second baby as much, do you?”
“Uh, you didn’t really just let them have more than 22 grams of sugar, did you? You’re a child poisoner.”
“Why aren’t you signing up for Mommy & Me class again? Don’t you care about your children?”
“Still has his paci? I guess you’re going to be okay with his never getting on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, right?”
Say hello to my new friend, shitty mom Badass Mom. She has a few things to say to Perfect McPerfectface:
“Yeah, I’m letting them watch TV. I’m exhausted and on my last nerve, and an hour of Disney means I get to wash my lady parts, brush my teeth, and have some coffee so I can wake the f*ck up.”
“Yeah, bish, it’s PIZZA. AGAIN. This is my only time to be with the kids today. Instead of losing my shit, I’m usin’ this here phone to have hot food brought to our door. By someone who is not me. And get this: while we’re waiting, I’m gonna cuddle with my babies on the couch and watch Zootopia for the 70th time.”
(etc.)
Okay, joking aside, we are all WAY too hard on ourselves. We run ourselves into the ground trying to meet an impossible ideal that comes partly from ourselves, partly from our environment. Now it’s worse than ever - everything we do and say is on social media and up for trolling discussion.
So what to do...
Let Badass Mom take the wheel now and then. She has your back.
She knows you’ll sign up for the next field trip, and that you’ll actually enjoy it because you’ll WANT to be there. Deadlines happen. Sleep deprivation happens. Let yourself off the hook for once.
She knows you’re not gonna somehow go apeshit and feed them nothing but Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and McDonalds all the way through high school. The kids will enjoy their binge, then go back to eating the healthy stuff you usually make. Besides, sugar is delicious.
Badass Mom knows you work hard, and rush yourself and the kids around every morning on weekdays. She knows all you want to do on Saturday is not set the alarm and just BE with your littles. She also knows research has shown over and over that development-wise, free play may be the single most important thing little ones can do. Your kids will be totally fine - if not better off - skipping class and chillin’ with you.
And, Badass Mom knows you won’t send Monkey to 2nd grade with his paci. She knows you’re so tired, and that with his paci he sleeps, which means you sleep, which means you might not come down with the pukey-shit-du-jour that Bam Bam brings home from pre-school. She knows you’ll eventually figure out a way to get him to let go of it that’s gentle and kind. But you are operating on a major sleep deficit, and today ain’t gonna be that day.
Badass Mom knows that when mama ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.
She knows that if you can be just a little kinder and gentler with yourself, and have a moment to breath/wash up/drink more than a sip of coffee in peace, you’re going to be more present and joyful with your kids. And that’s what they want and need more than anything.
Your imperfection is their perfection.
So put your feet up, mama.
Order that pizza.
Sleep in, skip class, and have a Michael Jackson dance party.
Let them eat 2 cupcakes at snack time.
Badass Mom’s got this one.
How about you? What have you done lately that’s shitty BADASS?
Tell us in the comments below.